Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Chapters 26 to 30 Read online

  CHAPTER XXIX.

  THEY was fetching a very nice-looking old gentleman along, and anice-looking younger one, with his right arm in a sling. And, my souls,how the people yelled and laughed, and kept it up. But I didn't see nojoke about it, and I judged it would strain the duke and the king some tosee any. I reckoned they'd turn pale. But no, nary a pale did THEYturn. The duke he never let on he suspicioned what was up, but just wenta goo-gooing around, happy and satisfied, like a jug that's googling outbuttermilk; and as for the king, he just gazed and gazed down sorrowfulon them new-comers like it give him the stomach-ache in his very heart tothink there could be such frauds and rascals in the world. Oh, he doneit admirable. Lots of the principal people gethered around the king, tolet him see they was on his side. That old gentleman that had just comelooked all puzzled to death. Pretty soon he begun to speak, and I seestraight off he pronounced LIKE an Englishman--not the king's way, thoughthe king's WAS pretty good for an imitation. I can't give the old gent'swords, nor I can't imitate him; but he turned around to the crowd, andsays, about like this:

  "This is a surprise to me which I wasn't looking for; and I'llacknowledge, candid and frank, I ain't very well fixed to meet it andanswer it; for my brother and me has had misfortunes; he's broke his arm,and our baggage got put off at a town above here last night in the nightby a mistake. I am Peter Wilks' brother Harvey, and this is his brotherWilliam, which can't hear nor speak--and can't even make signs to amountto much, now't he's only got one hand to work them with. We are who wesay we are; and in a day or two, when I get the baggage, I can prove it.But up till then I won't say nothing more, but go to the hotel and wait."

  So him and the new dummy started off; and the king he laughs, andblethers out:

  "Broke his arm--VERY likely, AIN'T it?--and very convenient, too, for afraud that's got to make signs, and ain't learnt how. Lost theirbaggage! That's MIGHTY good!--and mighty ingenious--under theCIRCUMSTANCES!"

  So he laughed again; and so did everybody else, except three or four, ormaybe half a dozen. One of these was that doctor; another one was asharp-looking gentleman, with a carpet-bag of the old-fashioned kind madeout of carpet-stuff, that had just come off of the steamboat and wastalking to him in a low voice, and glancing towards the king now and thenand nodding their heads--it was Levi Bell, the lawyer that was gone up toLouisville; and another one was a big rough husky that come along andlistened to all the old gentleman said, and was listening to the kingnow. And when the king got done this husky up and says:

  "Say, looky here; if you are Harvey Wilks, when'd you come to this town?"

  "The day before the funeral, friend," says the king.

  "But what time o' day?"

  "In the evenin'--'bout an hour er two before sundown."

  "HOW'D you come?"

  "I come down on the Susan Powell from Cincinnati."

  "Well, then, how'd you come to be up at the Pint in the MORNIN'--in acanoe?"

  "I warn't up at the Pint in the mornin'."

  "It's a lie."

  Several of them jumped for him and begged him not to talk that way to anold man and a preacher.

  "Preacher be hanged, he's a fraud and a liar. He was up at the Pint thatmornin'. I live up there, don't I? Well, I was up there, and he was upthere. I see him there. He come in a canoe, along with Tim Collins anda boy."

  The doctor he up and says:

  "Would you know the boy again if you was to see him, Hines?"

  "I reckon I would, but I don't know. Why, yonder he is, now. I know himperfectly easy."

  It was me he pointed at. The doctor says:

  "Neighbors, I don't know whether the new couple is frauds or not; but ifTHESE two ain't frauds, I am an idiot, that's all. I think it's our dutyto see that they don't get away from here till we've looked into thisthing. Come along, Hines; come along, the rest of you. We'll take thesefellows to the tavern and affront them with t'other couple, and I reckonwe'll find out SOMETHING before we get through."

  It was nuts for the crowd, though maybe not for the king's friends; so weall started. It was about sundown. The doctor he led me along by thehand, and was plenty kind enough, but he never let go my hand.

  We all got in a big room in the hotel, and lit up some candles, andfetched in the new couple. First, the doctor says:

  "I don't wish to be too hard on these two men, but I think they'refrauds, and they may have complices that we don't know nothing about. Ifthey have, won't the complices get away with that bag of gold Peter Wilksleft? It ain't unlikely. If these men ain't frauds, they won't objectto sending for that money and letting us keep it till they prove they'reall right--ain't that so?"

  Everybody agreed to that. So I judged they had our gang in a prettytight place right at the outstart. But the king he only lookedsorrowful, and says:

  "Gentlemen, I wish the money was there, for I ain't got no disposition tothrow anything in the way of a fair, open, out-and-out investigation o'this misable business; but, alas, the money ain't there; you k'n send andsee, if you want to."

  "Where is it, then?"

  "Well, when my niece give it to me to keep for her I took and hid itinside o' the straw tick o' my bed, not wishin' to bank it for the fewdays we'd be here, and considerin' the bed a safe place, we not bein'used to niggers, and suppos'n' 'em honest, like servants in England. Theniggers stole it the very next mornin' after I had went down stairs; andwhen I sold 'em I hadn't missed the money yit, so they got clean awaywith it. My servant here k'n tell you 'bout it, gentlemen."

  The doctor and several said "Shucks!" and I see nobody didn't altogetherbelieve him. One man asked me if I see the niggers steal it. I said no,but I see them sneaking out of the room and hustling away, and I neverthought nothing, only I reckoned they was afraid they had waked up mymaster and was trying to get away before he made trouble with them. Thatwas all they asked me. Then the doctor whirls on me and says:

  "Are YOU English, too?"

  I says yes; and him and some others laughed, and said, "Stuff!"

  Well, then they sailed in on the general investigation, and there we hadit, up and down, hour in, hour out, and nobody never said a word aboutsupper, nor ever seemed to think about it--and so they kept it up, andkept it up; and it WAS the worst mixed-up thing you ever see. They madethe king tell his yarn, and they made the old gentleman tell his'n; andanybody but a lot of prejudiced chuckleheads would a SEEN that the oldgentleman was spinning truth and t'other one lies. And by and by theyhad me up to tell what I knowed. The king he give me a left-handed lookout of the corner of his eye, and so I knowed enough to talk on the rightside. I begun to tell about Sheffield, and how we lived there, and allabout the English Wilkses, and so on; but I didn't get pretty fur tillthe doctor begun to laugh; and Levi Bell, the lawyer, says:

  "Set down, my boy; I wouldn't strain myself if I was you. I reckon youain't used to lying, it don't seem to come handy; what you want ispractice. You do it pretty awkward."

  I didn't care nothing for the compliment, but I was glad to be let off,anyway.

  The doctor he started to say something, and turns and says:

  "If you'd been in town at first, Levi Bell--" The king broke in andreached out his hand, and says:

  "Why, is this my poor dead brother's old friend that he's wrote so oftenabout?"

  The lawyer and him shook hands, and the lawyer smiled and looked pleased,and they talked right along awhile, and then got to one side and talkedlow; and at last the lawyer speaks up and says:

  "That 'll fix it. I'll take the order and send it, along with yourbrother's, and then they'll know it's all right."

  So they got some paper and a pen, and the king he set down and twistedhis head to one side, and chawed his tongue, and scrawled off something;and then they give the pen to the duke--and then for the first time theduke looked sick. But he took the pen and wrote. So then the lawyerturns to the new old gentleman and says:

  "You and your brother please write a line or
two and sign your names."

  The old gentleman wrote, but nobody couldn't read it. The lawyer lookedpowerful astonished, and says:

  "Well, it beats ME"--and snaked a lot of old letters out of his pocket,and examined them, and then examined the old man's writing, and then THEMagain; and then says: "These old letters is from Harvey Wilks; andhere's THESE two handwritings, and anybody can see they didn't writethem" (the king and the duke looked sold and foolish, I tell you, to seehow the lawyer had took them in), "and here's THIS old gentleman's handwriting, and anybody can tell, easy enough, HE didn't write them--factis, the scratches he makes ain't properly WRITING at all. Now, here'ssome letters from--"

  The new old gentleman says:

  "If you please, let me explain. Nobody can read my hand but my brotherthere--so he copies for me. It's HIS hand you've got there, not mine."

  "WELL!" says the lawyer, "this IS a state of things. I've got some ofWilliam's letters, too; so if you'll get him to write a line or so we cancom--"

  "He CAN'T write with his left hand," says the old gentleman. "If hecould use his right hand, you would see that he wrote his own letters andmine too. Look at both, please--they're by the same hand."

  The lawyer done it, and says:

  "I believe it's so--and if it ain't so, there's a heap strongerresemblance than I'd noticed before, anyway. Well, well, well! Ithought we was right on the track of a solution, but it's gone to grass,partly. But anyway, one thing is proved--THESE two ain't either of 'emWilkses"--and he wagged his head towards the king and the duke.

  Well, what do you think? That muleheaded old fool wouldn't give in THEN!Indeed he wouldn't. Said it warn't no fair test. Said his brotherWilliam was the cussedest joker in the world, and hadn't tried to write--HE see William was going to play one of his jokes the minute he put thepen to paper. And so he warmed up and went warbling right along till hewas actuly beginning to believe what he was saying HIMSELF; but prettysoon the new gentleman broke in, and says:

  "I've thought of something. Is there anybody here that helped to lay outmy br--helped to lay out the late Peter Wilks for burying?"

  "Yes," says somebody, "me and Ab Turner done it. We're both here."

  Then the old man turns towards the king, and says:

  "Perhaps this gentleman can tell me what was tattooed on his breast?"

  Blamed if the king didn't have to brace up mighty quick, or he'd asqushed down like a bluff bank that the river has cut under, it took himso sudden; and, mind you, it was a thing that was calculated to make mostANYBODY sqush to get fetched such a solid one as that without any notice,because how was HE going to know what was tattooed on the man? Hewhitened a little; he couldn't help it; and it was mighty still in there,and everybody bending a little forwards and gazing at him. Says I tomyself, NOW he'll throw up the sponge--there ain't no more use. Well,did he? A body can't hardly believe it, but he didn't. I reckon hethought he'd keep the thing up till he tired them people out, so they'dthin out, and him and the duke could break loose and get away. Anyway,he set there, and pretty soon he begun to smile, and says:

  "Mf! It's a VERY tough question, AIN'T it! YES, sir, I k'n tell youwhat's tattooed on his breast. It's jest a small, thin, blue arrow--that's what it is; and if you don't look clost, you can't see it. NOWwhat do you say--hey?"

  Well, I never see anything like that old blister for clean out-and-outcheek.

  The new old gentleman turns brisk towards Ab Turner and his pard, and hiseye lights up like he judged he'd got the king THIS time, and says:

  "There--you've heard what he said! Was there any such mark on PeterWilks' breast?"

  Both of them spoke up and says:

  "We didn't see no such mark."

  "Good!" says the old gentleman. "Now, what you DID see on his breast wasa small dim P, and a B (which is an initial he dropped when he wasyoung), and a W, with dashes between them, so: P--B--W"--and he markedthem that way on a piece of paper. "Come, ain't that what you saw?"

  Both of them spoke up again, and says:

  "No, we DIDN'T. We never seen any marks at all."

  Well, everybody WAS in a state of mind now, and they sings out:

  "The whole BILIN' of 'm 's frauds! Le's duck 'em! le's drown 'em! le'sride 'em on a rail!" and everybody was whooping at once, and there was arattling powwow. But the lawyer he jumps on the table and yells, andsays:

  "Gentlemen--gentleMEN! Hear me just a word--just a SINGLE word--if youPLEASE! There's one way yet--let's go and dig up the corpse and look."

  That took them.

  "Hooray!" they all shouted, and was starting right off; but the lawyerand the doctor sung out:

  "Hold on, hold on! Collar all these four men and the boy, and fetch THEMalong, too!"

  "We'll do it!" they all shouted; "and if we don't find them marks we'lllynch the whole gang!"

  I WAS scared, now, I tell you. But there warn't no getting away, youknow. They gripped us all, and marched us right along, straight for thegraveyard, which was a mile and a half down the river, and the whole townat our heels, for we made noise enough, and it was only nine in theevening.

  As we went by our house I wished I hadn't sent Mary Jane out of town;because now if I could tip her the wink she'd light out and save me, andblow on our dead-beats.

  Well, we swarmed along down the river road, just carrying on likewildcats; and to make it more scary the sky was darking up, and thelightning beginning to wink and flitter, and the wind to shiver amongstthe leaves. This was the most awful trouble and most dangersome I everwas in; and I was kinder stunned; everything was going so different fromwhat I had allowed for; stead of being fixed so I could take my own timeif I wanted to, and see all the fun, and have Mary Jane at my back tosave me and set me free when the close-fit come, here was nothing in theworld betwixt me and sudden death but just them tattoo-marks. If theydidn't find them--

  I couldn't bear to think about it; and yet, somehow, I couldn't thinkabout nothing else. It got darker and darker, and it was a beautifultime to give the crowd the slip; but that big husky had me by the wrist--Hines--and a body might as well try to give Goliar the slip. He draggedme right along, he was so excited, and I had to run to keep up.

  When they got there they swarmed into the graveyard and washed over itlike an overflow. And when they got to the grave they found they hadabout a hundred times as many shovels as they wanted, but nobody hadn'tthought to fetch a lantern. But they sailed into digging anyway by theflicker of the lightning, and sent a man to the nearest house, a half amile off, to borrow one.

  So they dug and dug like everything; and it got awful dark, and the rainstarted, and the wind swished and swushed along, and the lightning comebrisker and brisker, and the thunder boomed; but them people never tookno notice of it, they was so full of this business; and one minute youcould see everything and every face in that big crowd, and the shovelfulsof dirt sailing up out of the grave, and the next second the dark wipedit all out, and you couldn't see nothing at all.

  At last they got out the coffin and begun to unscrew the lid, and thensuch another crowding and shouldering and shoving as there was, toscrouge in and get a sight, you never see; and in the dark, that way, itwas awful. Hines he hurt my wrist dreadful pulling and tugging so, and Ireckon he clean forgot I was in the world, he was so excited and panting.

  All of a sudden the lightning let go a perfect sluice of white glare, andsomebody sings out:

  "By the living jingo, here's the bag of gold on his breast!"

  Hines let out a whoop, like everybody else, and dropped my wrist and givea big surge to bust his way in and get a look, and the way I lit out andshinned for the road in the dark there ain't nobody can tell.

  I had the road all to myself, and I fairly flew--leastways, I had it allto myself except the solid dark, and the now-and-then glares, and thebuzzing of the rain, and the thrashing of the wind, and the splitting ofthe thunder; and sure as you are born I did clip it along!

  When I stru
ck the town I see there warn't nobody out in the storm, so Inever hunted for no back streets, but humped it straight through the mainone; and when I begun to get towards our house I aimed my eye and set it.No light there; the house all dark--which made me feel sorry anddisappointed, I didn't know why. But at last, just as I was sailing by,FLASH comes the light in Mary Jane's window! and my heart swelled upsudden, like to bust; and the same second the house and all was behind mein the dark, and wasn't ever going to be before me no more in this world.She WAS the best girl I ever see, and had the most sand.

  The minute I was far enough above the town to see I could make thetowhead, I begun to look sharp for a boat to borrow, and the first timethe lightning showed me one that wasn't chained I snatched it and shoved.It was a canoe, and warn't fastened with nothing but a rope. The towheadwas a rattling big distance off, away out there in the middle of theriver, but I didn't lose no time; and when I struck the raft at last Iwas so fagged I would a just laid down to blow and gasp if I couldafforded it. But I didn't. As I sprung aboard I sung out:

  "Out with you, Jim, and set her loose! Glory be to goodness, we're shutof them!"

  Jim lit out, and was a-coming for me with both arms spread, he was sofull of joy; but when I glimpsed him in the lightning my heart shot up inmy mouth and I went overboard backwards; for I forgot he was old KingLear and a drownded A-rab all in one, and it most scared the livers andlights out of me. But Jim fished me out, and was going to hug me andbless me, and so on, he was so glad I was back and we was shut of theking and the duke, but I says:

  "Not now; have it for breakfast, have it for breakfast! Cut loose andlet her slide!"

  So in two seconds away we went a-sliding down the river, and it DID seemso good to be free again and all by ourselves on the big river, andnobody to bother us. I had to skip around a bit, and jump up and crackmy heels a few times--I couldn't help it; but about the third crack Inoticed a sound that I knowed mighty well, and held my breath andlistened and waited; and sure enough, when the next flash busted out overthe water, here they come!--and just a-laying to their oars and makingtheir skiff hum! It was the king and the duke.

  So I wilted right down on to the planks then, and give up; and it was allI could do to keep from crying.