Humorous Hits and How to Hold an Audience Read online

  INDEX

  A

  Adams, Charles Fallen, 185

  Adeler, Max, 141

  A-feared of a Gal, 237

  Afternoon, One, 196

  Agnes, I Lore Thee!, 81

  Aldrich, Thomas Bailey, 47

  Almost Beyond Endurance, 89

  Amateur Night, 98

  Amsbary, Wallace Bruce, 107

  And She Cried, 68

  Anstey, F., 210

  At Five-o'clock Tea, 143

  At the Restaurant, 235

  Aux Italiens, 322

  B

  Bachelor Sews on a Button, How a, 154

  Bailey, James M., 57

  Baine, William, 282

  Banging a Sensational Novelist, 83

  Barbara Frietchie, Parody on, 137

  Bary Jade, Lides to, 168

  Becky Miller, 115

  Before and After, 139

  Belagcholly Days, 93

  Bengaugh, J. W., 110

  Beyond Endurance, Almost, 89

  Big Mistake, A, 129

  Big Words, Don't Use, 163

  Billy of Nebraska, 110

  Blackstonian Circumlocution, His, 233

  Blossom, Henry M., Jr., 152

  Book Agent, The Merchant and the, 134

  Boss, John C., 247

  Bounding the United States, 101

  Boy, Dot Leetle, 69

  Boy, Papa and the, 208

  Bradley, Mary E., 154

  Break, Break, Break, 277

  Bridegroom's Toast, The, 203

  Brooks, Fred Emerson, 40

  Burbank, 261

  Burdette, Robert J., 199

  Burton, Richard, 267

  Byron, 269

  C

  Candidate, The, 193

  Carcassonne, 314

  Card, The C'rrect, 300

  Cards, Life Compared to a Game of, 289

  Carlotta Mia, 228

  Casey at the Bat, 147

  Casuistry, Cupid's, 39

  Cato's Soliloquy on Immortality, 311

  Chance, They Met by, 203

  "Charlie Must Not Ring To-night", 169

  Checkers, A Friendly Game of, 150

  Christopher Columbus, 155

  Circumlocution, His Blackstonian, 233

  Coles, Cynthia, 146

  Como, 319

  Content, I Am, 274

  Coon's Lullaby, The, 136

  Corydon, 47

  Counting Eggs, 86

  Counting One Hundred, 57

  Crooked Mouth Family, The, 122

  C'rrect Card, The, 300

  Cupid's Casuistry, 39

  Curfew, The Elocutionist's, 24

  Cyclopeedy, The, 239

  D

  Daly, T. A., 114, 228

  Dandy Fifth, The, 293

  Da 'Mericana Girl, 114

  D'Arcy, H. Antoine, 306

  Davis, Daniel Webster, 49

  Dead Kitten, The, 33

  Desprez, F., 284

  Dialectic Sketch, A Lancashire, 232

  Dickens, Charles, 216

  Difficulty of Riming, The, 179

  Doctor Marigold, 216

  Dog und der Lobster, Der, 102

  Don't Use Big Words, 163

  Dot lambs Vot Mary Haf Got, 112

  Dot Leedle Boy, 69

  Double, and How He Undid Me, My, 171

  Drummond, W. H., 271

  Dunbar, Paul Laurence, 35, 153

  Dundreary's Letter, Lord, 131

  Dunne, Finlay Peter, 73

  Dutchman's Serenade, The, 220

  E

  Eagle's Song, The, 275

  Earl King, The, 313

  Echo, 244

  Edwards, H. S., 44

  Ehrmann, Max, 98

  Eggs, Counting, 86

  Elocutionist's Curfew, The, 24

  Enchanted Shirt, The, 183

  Endurance, Almost Beyond, 89

  Engineer's Story, The, 303

  Eve of Waterloo, The, 269

  F

  Face Upon the Floor, The, 306

  Faith, The Ship of, 187

  Fairies' Tea, The, 85

  Familiar Lines, 149

  Fan, A Lesson with the, 50

  Feller, A little, 126

  Father's Way, 272

  Field, Eugene, 239, 272

  Fiend, The Weather, 34

  Fifteen Minutes, Her, 28

  Finnigan to Flannigan, 175

  Fiske, John, 101

  Five-o'clock Tea, At, 143

  Flannigan, Finnigan to, 175

  Flowers, The Funeral of the, 309

  Foss, S. W., 213, 287

  Fly, The, 156

  Foolin', Quit Your, 250

  Fool's Prayer, The, 268

  Foxes' Tails, The, 29

  Freckled-face Girl, The, 96

  Funeral of the Flowers, The, 309

  G

  Gal, A-feared of a, 237

  Gassaway, F. H., 293

  Georga Washingdone, 113

  Gib Him One ub Mine, 49

  Gilbert, W. S., 157

  Gillinan, S. W., 175

  Girl, The Freckled-face, 96

  Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von, 313

  Gorilla, The, 82

  Grape-seed, 190

  Grilley, Charles T., 39, 139

  Greek Meets Greek, When, 140

  H

  Hale, Edward Everett, 171

  Hammock, Romance of a, 173

  Harbour, J. L., 208

  Harp of a Thousand Strings, The, 177

  Hat in the Pit, The Obstructive, 210

  Hatton, Henry, 104

  Hay, John, 183

  He Laughed Last, 103

  Heaton, John L., 160

  Henry the Fifth's Wooing, 254

  Hens, Lavery's, 201

  He Wanted to Know, 188

  Her Fifteen Minutes, 28

  His Blackstonian Circumlocution, 233

  His Leg Shot Off, 224

  Hood, Thomas, 78

  Hopkins' Last Moments, 84

  How a Bachelor Sews on a Button, 154

  Hullo, 213

  Huntley, Stanley, 204

  I

  I Am Content, 274

  Idyl on "Grass," A Spring, 52

  Idyl, A Twilight, 199

  If I Can Be By Her, 65

  If We Had the Time, 267

  I Knew He Would Come if I Waited, 76

  "Imph-M", 124

  Ingalls, John J., 312

  Introducin' the Speecher, 54

  Introduction, An, 177

  Irish Philosopher, The, 91

  Irving, Minna, 68

  Irwin, Wallace, 229

  Italiens, Aux, 322

  I Tol' Yer So, 160

  J

  Joke, Leaving Out the, 238

  Julie Plante, The Wreck of the, 271

  K

  Khan, The, 225

  Katie's Answer, 79

  Katrina Likes Me Poody Vell, 234

  Keep A'goin'!, 145

  Kerr, Joe, 161

  King, Byron W., 42

  King, Benjamin Franklin, 65

  Kiser, S. E., 95

  Kitten, The Dead, 33

  Kleiser, Grenville, 60

  L

  Lamb, The Original, 95

  Lambs Vot Mary Haf Got, Dot, 112

  Lampton, W. J., 39

  Lancashire Dialectic Sketch, A, 232

  Lariat Bill, 192

  Lasca, 284

  Last Moments, Hopkins', 84

  Laughed Last, He, 103

  Laughton, James L., 251

  Lavery's Hens, 201

  Leacock, Stephen, 25

  Leaving Out the Joke, 238

  Leg Shot Off, His, 224

  Lesson with the Fan, A, 50

  Letter, Lord Dundreary's, 131

  Lever, Charles, 222

  Life Compared to a Game of Cards, 289

  Lides to Bary Jade, 168

  Lincoln, On, 296

  Lisp, 202

  Little Stowaway, The, 296

  Loo
mis, Charles Battell, 167

  Lord Dundreary's Letter, 131

  Lover's Quarrel, A, 146

  Love's Moods and Senses, 77

  "L," Song of the, 60

  Lullaby, 153

  Lullaby, The Coon's, 136

  M

  Macaulay, 277

  MacDonald, George, 118

  Malone, Walter, 312

  Malone, Widow, 222

  Mammy's Li'l Boy, 44

  Man Who Will Make a Speech, The, 227

  Mansfield, Richard, 275

  Marketing, 52

  Married Life, Ups and Downs of, 121

  Mason, She Would be a, 251

  Masson, Tom, 28

  Mayor, Pat and the, 116

  McCarthy and McManus, 66

  Melpomenus Jones, 25

  Merchant and the Book Agent, The, 134

  Meredith, Owen, 322

  'Mericana Girl, Da, 114

  Miller, Joaquin, 319

  Mistake, A Big, 129

  Mr. Dooley on the Grip, 73

  Mr. Potts' Story, 141

  Modern Romance, 152

  Morgan, Carrie Blake, 51

  Morris, Joshua S., 177

  Mule Stood on der Steamboat Deck, Der, 164

  Mumbles Head, The Women of, 279

  Musicians, The, 315

  My Double, and How He Undid Me, 171

  N

  "Nancy Bell," The Yarn of the, 157

  Nesbit, W. D., 24

  New School Reader, The, 165

  Nocturnal Sketch, A, 78

  Norah Murphy and the Spirits, 104

  Nothing Suited Him, 126

  Not In It, 198

  Nye, Bill, 193

  O

  Oak und der Vine, Der, 185

  Oatmobile, The, 87

  Obstructive Hat in the Pit, The, 210

  Old Daddy Turner, 290

  One Afternoon, 196

  On Lincoln, 296

  On the Rappahannock, 317

  Opie Read, 107

  Opportunity, 312

  Opportunity, An, 190

  Opportunity's Reply, 312

  Oracle, The Village, 62

  Organist, The Volunteer, 287

  Original Lamb, The, 95

  Our Railroads, 245

  P

  Papa and the Boy, 208

  Parody on Barbara Frietchie, 137

  Passion, The Ruling, 219

  Pat and the Mayor, 116

  Pat's Reason, 249

  Philosopher, The Irish, 91

  Phrases, Slang, 133

  Poor Was Mad, The, 167

  Prayer, The Fool's, 268

  Presentation of the Trumpet, 162

  Proof Positive, 90

  Q

  Quarrel, A Lover's, 146

  Quarreled, They Never, 58

  Quit Your Foolin', 250

  R

  Race Question, The, 35

  Railroads, Our, 245

  Rainy Day Episode, A, 75

  Rappahannock, On the, 317

  Reader, The New School, 165

  Reason, Pat's, 249

  Reason Why, The, 154

  Rehearsing for Private Theatricals, 204

  Reply, Opportunity's, 312

  Restaurant, At the, 235

  Riley, James Whitcomb, 23, 69, 89

  Riming, The Difficulty of, 179

  Ring To-night, Charlie Must Not, 169

  "Rip Van Winkle," Scenes from, 261

  Rivals, Scenes from the, 258

  Robin Tamson's Smiddy, 127

  Roche, James Jeffrey, 206

  Rodger, Alexander, 127

  Romance, Modern, 152

  Romance of a Hammock, 173

  Ruling Passion, The, 219

  S

  Saint Crispian's Day, 299

  Saxe, John G., 244

  Scott, Clement, 279

  Sensational Novelist, Banging a, 83

  Serenade, The Dutchman's, 220

  Sermon, A Short, 231

  Shakespeare, 254, 299

  She Would Be a Mason, 251

  Sheridan, Richard Brinsley, 258

  Sherwood, M. E. W., 314

  Ship of Faith, The, 187

  Shirt, The Enchanted, 183

  Short Encore, A, 170

  Short Sermon, A, 231

  Sill, Edward Rowland, 268

  Sims, George R., 300

  Siviter, William H., 219

  Slang Phrases, 133

  Smiddy, Robin Tamson's, 127

  Smiley, Joseph Bert, 181

  Song, The Eagle's, 275

  Song of the "L.", 60

  So Was I, 181

  "'Spaecially Jim", 80

  Speecher, Introducin' the, 54

  Speech, The Man Who Will Make a, 227

  Spirits, Norah Murphy and the, 104

  Spring Idyl on "Grass," A, 52

  Stanton, Frank L., 145

  Story, The Engineer's, 303

  Stowaway, The Little, 296

  Stuttering Umpire, The, 225

  Sylva, Carmen, 274

  T

  Talmadge, T. De Witt, 309

  Telephone, The Dutchman's, 214

  Tell and His Boy, William, 282

  Tennyson, Alfred, 277

  Thayer, Phineas, 147

  Theatricals, Rehearsing for Private, 204

  They Never Quarreled, 58

  Thorpe, Rosa H., 303

  Time, If We Had the, 267

  Toast, The Bridegroom's, 203

  Total Annihilation, 120

  Train, Misses the, 23

  Tramp, The, 292

  Trumpet, Presentation of the, 162

  Turner, Old Daddy, 290

  Twain, Mark, 177

  Twilight Idyl, A, 199

  U

  Undertow, The, 51

  United States, Bounding the, 101

  Umpire, The Stuttering, 225

  Ups and Downs of Married Life, The, 121

  Usual Way, The, 125

  V

  V-a-s-e, The, 206

  Vassar Girl, The, 229

  Village Choir, The, 108

  Village Oracle, The, 62

  Virginius, 277

  Volunteer Organist, The, 287

  W

  Wade, Morris, 143

  Wakin' the Young 'Uns, 247

  Watchin' the Sparkin', 40

  Waterloo, The Eve of, 269

  Waterman, Nixon, 52

  Way, Father's, 272

  Way, The Usual, 125

  Way of a Woman, The, 42

  Weather Fiend, The, 34

  When Greek Meets Greek, 140

  When Ma Lady Yawns, 39

  When Pa Was a Boy, 95

  When the Woodbine Turns Red, 38

  Whitman, Walt, 296

  Widow Malone, 222

  William Tell and His Boy, 282

  Williamson, H. G., 76

  Willie, 98

  Wind and the Moon, The, 118

  Woman, The Ways of a, 42

  Women of Mumbles Head, The, 279

  Woodbine Turns Red, When the, 38

  Wreck of the Julie Plante, The, 271

  Y

  Yacht Club Speech, The, 43

  Yarn of the "Nancy Bell," The, 157

  Yawns, When Ma Lady, 39

  "You Git Up!", 161